Author Archives: Aurora
5 reasons prom is a nightmare
Pro-prom propaganda: nice young people having fun on their way to prom. It's all lies! Lies!!
At some point during the course of human history, a cruel trickster decided to spread the rumor that the annual spring dance known as “prom” was something fun, something to look forward to. This dangerous myth has been perpetuated ever since, filling the minds of teenagers with dreams doomed to be crushed by this harsh but undeniable reality: prom is terrible. Is this just my opinion? Did I have a traumatic experience that turned me against prom forever? Do I hate prom because I’m some sort of naysaying grumpy hermit who can’t stand fun, or one of those creepy parents from Footloose for whom dancing is an unforgivable sin? The answer to all of the above is no. It is not just my opinion; in fact, science has proven that prom is one of the top ten worst things a human being can experience. I swear no Carrie-style disasters befell my prom – although that surely would have made it more interesting – and I’m neither a grumpy hermit nor a defamer of dancing. I have no reason to dislike prom other than the inherent dislikability of the event; my opinion is based on pure, objective fact. Well, fact and a little bit of anecdotal evidence – what skeptics might call “hearsay” – but let’s not split hairs.
FACT 1: Prom food is bad food.
At my prom, they served chicken wings. Sticky, messy, BBQ-sauce-dripping chicken wings, of the sort one eats with one’s fingers at sports bar or bowling alley. There were also celery sticks and crackers, if I remember correctly, which the girls nibbled at while resentfully watching their dates eat chicken wings. To this day the logic of serving chicken wings at prom eludes me entirely, since t the theme of my prom was neither “Down Home Barbecue” nor “Superbowl Sunday.” My suspicion is that it may have been a mean-spirited prank at the expense of all female prom attendees, because what girl is going to gnaw away at a bit of gooey meat while wearing a pricy, often pastel dress in which she hopes to look sophisticated and glamorous? Not one, which is why there were so many frowning girls and so many BBQ-sauce stained tuxedos in the Clarion Hotel event hall that evening.
FACT 2: Prom dresses are expensive, and ugly.
See my previous blog entry for examples of just how ugly prom dresses can get. And all of those dresses were priced at well over the -$1.50 a sane human would pay for them! Want to know something scary? The average cost of a prom dress is around $250, and the average amount spent on prom in total is a whopping $1,078 (according to USA Today). My entire wardrobe (not including shoes) probably cost me about $250, and just imagine what you could do with $1,078! You could go to Disney World, or put a down payment on a car, or fill your cupboards with all the Fancy Feast your cat could eat…the stuff of fantasy.
FACT 3: Sometimes proms take place on boats.
If there was one way to make the already dreadful hazing ritual we call prom worse, it would be to hold it on a boat. And because prom organizers are wicked beyond measure, boat proms are not an uncommon phenomena these days. Seasickness + the only route of escape being a chilly swim back to shore = absolutely zero fun. My close friend suffered a boat prom and he still hasn’t fully recovered. Sometimes he gets a bit quaky and pale, and that’s how I know he’s having a prom flashback. It’s truly a sad sight to see.
FACT 4: Good music has never been played at a prom.
However, “Cotton-Eyed Joe,” “The Macarena,” “The Electric Slide,” and “The Chicken Dance Song” are sure to make an appearance.
FACT 5: Sometimes your mom is a chaperone at prom.
My mom was a chaperone at my prom, despite my begging her for weeks to spare me that particular embarrassment. It was clear to me then that my mother was in on the whole “Prom as Punishment” conspiracy, and to this day I still find it difficult to view her as a wholly benevolent personage. Sometimes I worry she’s going to whip out a corsage and yell across the room, “RORY! WANT ME TO GET YOU A CHICKEN WING?”, in order to relive that fateful night we spent together as chaperone and chaperonee at the Ithaca High School Senior Prom ’07.
Hopefully I have dissuaded you from attending your prom, thereby saving you from a night of unpleasantness and the cost of the years of therapy you will likely need in order to recover from it. Perhaps not. For those of you still determined to go to prom, I hope you have a great time–but I know you won’t.
Just kidding. I have my fingers crossed for you, darlings!
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & leader of the Anti-Prom Coalition
Attack of the ugly prom dresses
Prom dresses do not have a positive reputation in the fashion world, perhaps because they are depraved lunatics bent on spreading their tulle tentacles across the world and smothering every last teenager with rhinestone-encrusted stretch satin. Since the dawn of time – a.k.a. the first prom – prom dresses have committed grievous sins against humanity (not to mention eyeballs) and induced violent bouts of nausea in high school gyms and Sheraton hotel event halls across the globe. It saddens me to report that a review of this season’s prom offerings only confirms the continuation of these villainous garments’ reign of terror and torment. So that you may protect yourself from becoming the victim of one of these fiends, I will now present to you ten of the most unforgivable offenders, dresses to avoid if you at all value your mortal soul. Shield your eyes, kids, because things are about to get ugly!
1. A Pouf of Dangerous Proportions
I have nothing against a full skirt, and pink is one of my favorite colors, so my issue with this dress is not its obvious overblown bubblegum princess Disney World vibes. Disney I can deal with. No, my issue is that when I look at this what I see is an enormous bath loofah devouring that poor girl’s body. Ever seen The Blob? It’s about an amorphous glob of goo that goes around eating everyone in order to become larger and larger and larger…
Well, this is the dress version of that. It will eat you, it will eat your friends; it will eat your date. Do you really want to end up a snack for an overgrown loofah?
2. Rodeo Clown
Whereas the last dress had an overabundance of skirt, this specimen has an alarming lack of one. Of course, “skirt deficit” is only a minor problem in comparison to the hokey leather bosom harness and the indecipherable snakeskin-cum-desert-foliage print of the fabric. Oi, and that ruched bodice! Back to the skirt issue, though: what skirt this dress does have is half-hidden beneath a flaccid sack. For what esoteric reason did they include this sack? It could not have been for purposes of attractive design, because there is no figure that would be flattered by such extraneous pouching. Maybe the silhouette is supposed to evoke that famous cowgirl accessory, the saddle bag. How many cans of baked beans do you think you can store in there?
3. Black and White and Bad All Over
Black and white is a classic, timeless, and usually unimpeachable color combination. Leave it to a prom dress to mutate it into something absolutely abominable! This dress is like one of mythological monsters made up of three different creatures, with none of the elements making any sense at all together. In the case of this dress, it seems to be made up of, from top to bottom: A) one of Vanna White’s Jeopardy gowns, B) my mom’s tablecloth, and C) a can-can dancer’s costume. The overall effect causes some serious, head-spinning, Hitchcock-style vertigo.
4. “This Dress May Cause Hallucinations”
Honestly I think you’d have to be hallucinating to begin with in order to purchase this psychedelic nightmare, but maybe I’m biased because I don’t like ugly things. In any case, if you weren’t already out of your mind, all you’d have to do would be to stare into the warped zebra-spiral print lining of the skirt for ten seconds and, POOF, you’d be down the formalwear rabbit hole. With your newly altered mindset, perhaps you could explain to me the appeal of having a bulbous “flower” pinned to your hip and shards of mirror pasted to your chest.
5. Cruelty to Animals
Year after year fashion magazines advocate for the revival of animal prints – leopard, zebra, cheetah, tiger – but I very much doubt this is what they wanted. In fact, I’ll bet that if they saw this feline-defaming disgrace, they’d commit seppuku for having been involved in its conception. Leopards everywhere are likely deeply ashamed of themselves, too. Someone call PETA, because this dress is an incontrovertible example of animal abuse.
6. Blue Jean Brutality
Lots of people enjoy wearing blue jeans. While I am not one of them, I can understand why people like jeans: they’re (ostensibly) comfortable, they go with everything, and you don’t have to wash them very much. However, I cannot comprehend why someone could love jeans so much that she’d want her prom dress to be made out them. Such a passion for denim indicates, to me, a pathological obsession that merits at least a few appointments with a mental health professional. Besides being made of denim, though, this dress isn’t so bad. LOL I’m lying; it’s hideous. Look at the pockets on the scalloping at the bottom of the skirt! AHH! Look at that dumb “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band”-style bolero jacket! EGH! And the patchwork corset! YIKES!
8. “You cannot go out in that, young lady!”
It’s great when girls are proud of their bodies, but this might be taking that confidence a bit far. The exposed midriff on its own would be one thing, but in combination with the cleavage-spilling top and “up-to-there” slit in the skirt, the ensemble is flirting hard with exotic dancer territory. My mom would never let me leave the house in this, not even now that I’m an adult, and probably not even if I actually were an exotic dancer.
9. The World’s Ugliest Dress of All Time, Ever
Is there anything more to say about this dress? Certainly I cannot be the one to say it, because I can feel myself going into brown-stretch-polyester-ugliness-induced convulsions as I type. This dress is literally killing me!!!! SOMEONE, ANYONE, HELP! AGH – ACK – BLUH – UGHHHHHHHH…
[I am writing this now from beyond the grave. There will not be a tenth ugly dress entry, because there cannot be a dress uglier than the one pictured above. It is simply not possible.]
With Love,
Aurora C., editor and one of many innocent victims of deadly prom dress assault
New “Transitioning to College” Video
She’s done it again: our resident video genius, Allie O’ Brien, has crafted another gem to go along with our upcoming NtRW Graduation Edition. In the video, you’ll see recent college grads sharing their stories about dorm life, academics, student loans, and choosing a major. Plus Maine economists offer advice on how you can make smart choices in college to best prepare yourself for a successful adult life and career.
Check it out now!
Make the most of your college visits!
Look at these nice college kids and these nice spring flowers. Isn't that just lovely?
In my mind, Easter – with its baby bunnies, painted eggs ready to hatch fluffy chicks, and pastel-foiled chocolates – symbolizes the true beginning of the spring season. When I eat a jellybean, I can actually feel flowers blooming in my mouth. By the way, if you’re looking to get me a gift this Easter, Starburst’s tropical-flavored jellybeans are my favorite. Just in case you were thinking about it. No pressure! What was I talking about? Oh yes, spring! Spring is the season for new beginnings, so it only makes sense that it is traditionally the time when high school juniors soon to be seniors embark on an integral early of the college journey: the “campus visit” tour. Juniors, you’ve got a fun couple of months coming up. Get ready to hop into the backseat for endless hours in the car with your parents, driving from one school to the next, reading an infinite number of informational pamphlets, and watching a series of highly coordinated tour guides perform the incredible feat of walking backwards for longer than 5 minutes without falling down. How do they do it?!?
The thing about college visits is that, if you go on enough, one college begins to blend into another and you end up having no idea where you’ve been, what you saw, and what you liked. Well, that’s what can happen if you don’t go about things properly. Fortunately, there are some simple things you can do to make the most of your visits and avoid falling victim to ”Campus Tour Fatigue Syndrome”…
Before you go on a visit, take a few hours to do a bit of sleuthing into the school you’ll be visiting. Read as much as you can about the school online, in those nifty college guidebooks (the U.S. News’ Best Colleges Guide is a good place to start!), and in any brochures or pamphlets the school may have sent you in the mail. By doing your own research, you’ll have an idea of the questions you want to ask your tour guide during the visit. Don’t forget to write down any questions you think of!
Bring along a notebook and camera on every visit. That way you can take notes on the things you like and don’t like about the school, and take pictures of the campuses. Later, if you’re feeling crafty, you can even make a “scrapbook” of the schools you visited to flip through when you’re deciding where to apply and where to go.
Ask as many questions as you can think of. Campus tour guides have a script they’re supposed to stick to, so it’s almost guaranteed they won’t address every issue that’s important or of interest to you. That’s why you’ve got to ask questions! If you just follow along silently like a little goat, you’re letting a critical opportunity to learn about the college slip through your fingers.
Example questions to ask include:
-When do I have to declare my major?
-What’s the average class size?
-What is the course registration process like? Is it difficult to get into the classes you want to take?
-What resources are available to students seeking academic help?
-Are there internship programs offered through the school?
-What is the transfer rate?
Obviously, there are a million more questions you might ask, depending on what’s important to you and your family.
Take some time after the tour to explore the campus on your own. The tour guide is going to show you the school’s selling points, but those pretty buildings and that nice new dining hall might not tell you the whole story about the school. Poking around on your own is the best way to see the full picture and form your own impression of the campus. Make sure to visit student hot spots like the campus center or coffee shop to get an idea of what students are like and if you’ll be able to feel comfortable in that atmosphere. If you’re not shy, try talking to a real, live student not employed by admissions to see what dirt s/he has to dish up. If possible, check out a dorm room or eat at the dining hall, as those are important aspects of college life that are not always addressed in the official tour. Maybe even schedule to sit in on a class if the school allows it!
After the tour, write down your impressions of the campus while they’re still fresh in your brain. If you don’t write them down, chances are you’ll forget them, and then it’s like the tour never happened and all your suffering was for nothing. Maybe you want to make a list of the pros and cons of each campus, or maybe you just want to jot down some notes. Either way, you’ll be creating a record of your college visits that you can consult when it comes time to choose where you want to go.
Remember: college visits are the best way to get a “feel” for a school. They offer an invaluable chance to get a glimpse into what your future might be like if you went to that particular school, so don’t let that opportunity go to waste! Try to soak in all you can during your college visits so you’ll be able to choose the school that is the best match for your personality and your interests. Plus, college visits can be fun! You get to travel around, see new places, stay in hotels, and eat fast food in the car with your parents: a dream come true. Stay positive, kids!
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & jellybean freak
Awesome new NtRW financial literacy video!
Check out this incredibly slick and informative video our work-study assistant, Allie O’Brien, created for us using clips from the massive NtRW archive. Great job, Allie! The video covers four big money-related mistakes young people make in college: 1) getting into trouble with credit cards, 2) racking up a ton of student debt, 3) partying too hard, and 4) not thinking about the future when choosing a major. Watch and learn, people!
5 super things to do on a snow day
Are you as excited about your snow day as this little dog? You should be!
This winter hasn’t exactly been stellar for snowfall – I haven’t even had a chance to go sledding yet! Ack! – but now that spring is right around the corner, we’ve finally got ourselves a proper storm. The roads are nasty, every school around is cancelled, and the snow shows no sign of letting up–totally awesome, right? For those of you who, like me, are enjoying a snowed-in day at home, here are a few things to do to make the most of the mini-vacation gifted to you by the blizzard overlords.
1. Catch up on your reading. Isn’t there some book you’ve been dying to read but have been too busy with schoolwork to dig in to? Well, now’s your chance! Plus, there is absolutely nothing better than lounging on the sofa with a novel and a big mug of hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows, duh) while the snow billows and blows about outside. It’s a perfect experience.
2. Build the most amazing & incredible snow fort anyone has ever seen. Time to break out those architecture books because I expect big things from you. I’d like to see a snow fort replica of the Chrysler building or maybe the temple at Angkor Wat, please. Better get started….
3. Take a nap. Staying up late finishing homework or watching TV night after night have you feeling rundown? Why not use your free day away from school or work to catch up on your beauty sleep? Maybe you can even convince someone to sing you a lullaby (your little sister? your cat?).
4. Bake something delicious. Cold day + warm oven = magic. Also magic: eating way too many cookies and then feeling a little sick but 100% content with life.
5. Shovel the driveway. I know it sounds like a chore, but shoveling is actually a great way to get some exercise and time outside if you feel too old for romping around making snow angels and so forth. Personally I believe you are never too old to make snow angels, but that’s just one girl’s opinion. Anyway, shoveling the driveway will also come in handy as a way to burn off a few of those cookie & hot chocolate calories you’ve been packing in all day!
Enjoy the snow, darlings!
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & snow angel extraordinaire
P.S. Click here for pictures of snow forts from all over the world! Some of them are pretty spectacular.
The strangely difficult art of “being yourself”
The reasoning for this photo? A) I'm obsessed with gummy bears, and B) that little clear bear dares to be different! You go, bear.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been sifting through our video archive – boy, is it huge! almost 3,000 interview clips; can you believe it? – and in the process I’ve noticed one piece of advice keeps coming up again and again when people are asked to share their wisdom with younger generations: “be yourself.” If you’re true to yourself and do what makes you happy and feels right for you, everything will work out in the end just like magic. That sounds great, right? Unfortunately, “being yourself” is one of those things that falls squarely into the “easier said than done” category. It’s a message we hear all the time and we understand that, yes, of course it would be awesome to be ourselves, but what if you’re not even sure who “yourself” really is? Uh-oh!
When I was in middle school, I was desperate for everyone to like me. I believe I spent most of eighth grade on the carpet in the fetal position pleading for acceptance from my peers, only abandoning my groveling to eat the occasional pudding cup at lunchtime. Needless to say, I was not that cool. Despite my efforts to buy the “right” sneakers (Skechers, at the time–does that make me seem extremely old?), watch the “right” movies, have the “right” friends and always, always say the “right” thing, I was still solidly a weirdo. No matter what I did, I never quite fit in with any of the popular groups. I didn’t want to believe it, but my own weirdness was inescapable. At the time, I was unable to see that I possessed my own unique “self”, and that to be that “self” was actually valid and valuable. When people told me I was “unique,” I equated it with being told I had leprosy. I saw my weirdness as a flaw and a hindrance, something keeping me down. I wanted so badly to be something different from what I was that I couldn’t even fathom that the person I was “naturally” could be worth anything. I see a lot of young struggling with this today, and all I can say is: “I SURE AM GLAD I’M OVER THAT!” Except of course I’m not entirely, because learning to accept yourself and be true to yourself is a lifelong process. Maybe you can tell that I’ve been reflecting on this quite a bit lately, but my soul-searching turns out to be in your benefit, because I’ve thought up a few suggestions for how to ease into “being yourself.” For my beloved readers just beginning to unfurl your freak flags in preparation to let them fly, this is for you….
1. Realize that you have something special to offer the world. You are the only “you” out there, with your own unique stories, opinions, and talents. Whether you like it or not, you’re an individual! Rather than fight it, why not embrace it? It’s incredible when you think about it: You’re absolutely the only person on this earth right now who can be you and give the world that special something you have to offer. Whether it’s a piece of art you’ve made, an original idea for building a Mountain Dew-powered motor-scooter, or a new formula for squirrel shampoo, it’s up to you to get it out there and into the world, because no one else can do it like you can. Once you understand that you’re amazing and capable of extraordinarily “you” things, you can move on to step #2….
2. Don’t worry so much about pleasing other people! It may surprise you to learn that although your friends and parents and people on TV may have a lot of opinions about what you should do with your life, you’re the only one living that life and therefore the only one who has any right to decide how it should be lived. It’s nice to make other people happy, but it’s impossible to do so all the time and you absolutely can’t let other people’s happiness take precedence over your own. Be confident in yourself and your ability to steer your own ship, so to speak. That said, don’t hesitate to ask others for advice when you need it! To bring in another nautical idiom, “no man is an island.”
3. Set goals for yourself and stick to them. Even if you’re not totally sure who you are, if you sat down for a few hours you could probably come up with a list of things you want out of life, right? An example: “I would like a pony.” Clearly this is not the most profound or lofty of life goals, but it will do for a start. So, what do you need to do to accomplish your goal of having a pony? Start thinking about it and then, once you’ve got your pony-procurement plan, don’t let anyone or anything get in your way. Repeat to yourself, “I WILL HAVE THAT PONY; IT IS MY DESTINY. I AM UNSTOPPABLE.” Having clear goals, ambitions and dreams and pursuing them with passion and determination is a critical part of “being true to yourself.” Don’t be afraid to go after what you want!
Obviously the process of “becoming yourself” is different for everyone, but it seems to me that these three guidelines should apply more or less across the board. Just remember: I think you’re special. I really do! You deserve to be yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you any differently. If they do, give me a call and I’ll track ‘em down and give them a good talking-to….
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & her own weird//wacky self, thank-you-very-much!
P.S. Check out this kid on Toddlers & Tiaras! I adore her. She is 100% her own baby, and absolutely perfect. In other news, Toddlers & Tiaras has always been and will always be my #1 favorite show on TV.
“Alana,” a.k.a. the coolest kid ever!
Share your story with NtRW!
Everyone has his or her own unique perspective, experiences, and stories to tell. We want to hear yours! What have you learned that other teens should know? What piece of advice do you have that the world needs to hear? Now you have the chance to share your story with teens like you by using our new “Share Your Story!” feature at ntrw.org/share-your-story.
We want you to fill us in on:
…a mistake you made in middle or high school
…the challenges you’ve faced
…the good and bad choices you’ve made
…what you wish you’d been told
…the bad advice you’ve received
…what you would do differently
…the lessons you’ve learned about school, friends, relationships, whatever!
Your stories can be serious or funny—anything you’ve got, we want it. You don’t have to be a novelist to tell a good story, so don’t be nervous! You can post in video or in text at ntrw.org/share-your-story. Who knows, you might really help someone by sharing your experiences!
Not convinced yet? Well, what if I said there was the possibility of FREE PIZZA if you submit a story? Do I have your attention now? Everyone loves pizza: you love pizza, I love pizza; my cat loves pizza. I only know one person in the world who doesn’t go absolutely nuts over pizza, and she’s kind of weird anyway. If you’re a normal, pizza-loving person and would like the chance to win a pizza party for ten people, go to ntrw.org/share-your-story right this instant (or whenever, actually). If we think your story is the best, you’ll be swimming in so much free pizza you won’t even know what to do with yourself! You’ll be just like this really happy pizza cat:
So, what are you waiting for? Share your story now!
Getting along with roommates: The basics
Surprisingly, pillow fighting is not the #1 therapist-recommended conflict mediation strategy.
In our upcoming edition (#8! it’s coming for you—get excited!), NtRW interview victims Ashlee and Luke talk about their experiences dealing with difficult roommates. I wasn’t exactly BFFs with my roommate when I was in college either, so I know how tough it can be to live with someone whose every action seems designed to aggravate you. My roommate was the worst: she brought strangers into the room at bizarre hours (i.e. 3 am), took my clothes without asking, left peanut butter jars to roll around on the floor beside her bed, and played loud music when I was up late working on papers. I’m not saying I was a perfect roommate by any means, but I tried to respect her space and be as considerate as possible, two things she made no effort to do. The tension built and built and by the end of our two years living together, we weren’t speaking. I came to think of her as somewhat of an archnemesis—she was my Lex Luthor, my Green Goblin, my Catwoman (without the snazzy bodysuit). To help you avoid similar misery, I’ve come up with a few guidelines for maintaining good relations with your roommate…
- Set boundaries. Lay down ground rules from the very beginning to avoid future conflict. If you don’t want your roommate rifling through your desk to find a pen or borrowing your toothbrush, let him know from the start. Limits are good, so don’t be afraid to set them. That said, building a fence down the center of the room is probably a bit extreme.
- Be flexible. Chances are your roommate won’t have exactly the same habits or schedule as you do, so be prepared to make compromises. Being bullheaded about bed time, study time, noise issues, etc. will only serve to push you and your roommate further and further apart. To bridge the gap rather than broaden it, it’s best to accept that there will be differences and go about finding solutions with a spirit of cooperation and goodwill.
- Communicate. Instead of stewing in resentment, talk to your roommate about what’s bothering you. Don’t assume s/he can read your mind (unless you’re at a college for psychics, in which case I’m totally jealous). A lot of blow-out, knockdown & drag-out fights stem from simple misunderstandings, so it’s best to address any problems outright while they’re still small and manageable.
- Be friendly. There’s no rule that says you have to be friends with your roommate, but being friendly is a good way to keep things pleasant. At the very least, don’t glare at her when she comes into the room. Ignoring your roommate is a mistake, too, so say hi, chat about classes, be nice. It’s really not that hard to be moderately sociable.
You may not love the total stranger chosen by the mysterious roommate-matching overlords to share your inevitably teeny-tiny dorm room with you, but I hope these tips will help you survive your time together with only minimal physical//emotional trauma. And remember: if it gets really unbearable and you just can’t take the person any more, you can always seek outside intervention. Track down your dorm’s resident advisor so that s/he can help you figure out the situation and even find an alternative housing arrangement, if necessary.
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & only mildly obnoxious roommate
P.S. If you want to read some truly terrifying stories from people about their worst roommate experiences, check out myveryworstroommate.com. Don’t let it scare you too much, though—some roommates are perfectly nice and normal people!
Pajamas, sweatpants, and slippers cool for school?
Sporty snuggies, for athletic snoozing...
Pajama Panic! Pajama-palooza! Pajama pandemonium! Pajama…predicament? I’m all out of alliterative exclamations, it seems, so let’s get to the point here: teenagers have taken to wearing their PJs to school, and this trend will inevitably bring about the utter ruination of America. Or so says one Michael Williams, a commissioner in Caddo Parish, Louisiana, who is trying to pass a ban on wearing pajamas in public. ”The moral fibre in America is dwindling away. It’s pajamas today; what is it going to be tomorrow? Walking around in your underwear?” asks Williams in an article about the “pajama problem” published in today’s Wall Street Journal. Now, I think Mr. Williams may be overreacting just a teensy bit here, but I admit that I’m off-put by the concept of pajamas as a fashion trend.
When I was in high school, we celebrated “Pajama Day” during spirit week by heading to school in our flannel pants and oversized sweatshirts, but that was once, maybe twice a year. And sure, sometimes my peers would show up for class in sweatpants, but for the most part people wore proper clothes. Not cool or even mildly attractive clothes, mind you – Ugg boots and crocs were big in my day, and both are embarrassingly hideous – but I don’t have such high standards; jeans and a t-shirt will do just fine. Now it seems that all basic rules for what distinguishes school attire from at-home-snoozing-on-the-sofa attire have broken down in favor of 24-7 comfort, as the Wall Street Journal reports that the hottest trend for today’s teens is wearing pajamas, $70 Abercrombie & Fitch sweatpants, and flip flops to school. First off, $70 sweatpants? Ack! Why would you spend $70 to look like you’ve given up dressing yourself? Sorry, but “I’m lazy” is not a fashion statement I can get behind.
Secondly, I don’t think clothes chosen to maximize your ability to fall asleep at the drop of the hat are the most appropriate for school, where you’re supposed to be alert and active and ready to absorb new information. This may be because I’m painfully elderly & out of touch, since I share my opinion with David Beriau, a full-fledged adult and the dean of students at Bennington, Vermont’s Mount Anthony Union High School, who says:
“If you come to school like you’re going to go to bed, it says a lot about your lack of motivation. It creates an atmosphere where people feel like, ‘The next thing I’m going to do is slouch. And why not nod off?’ “
To try to curb student somnolence, Beriau has banned pajama bottoms and slippers in his school. Other schools, such as those in Florida’s Broward County, have taken similar action against the pajama plague threatening to stupefy the student body. Dress codes annoy me on principle because I don’t like to see one’s right to express oneself limited, and fashion is a terrific way to express one’s aesthetic vision and personal perspective. But what if what you want to express about yourself is, “Too sleepy to care” or merely a wordless, emphatic yawn? I’m torn on this issue. Truth be told, I would probably support such a pajama-ban at my high school, simply because it would mean not having to look at sweatpants and PJs all day long.
Then again, I would very much like to witness an era when everyone wears Snuggies everywhere they go, and perhaps this pajama-craze is the first step towards that wonderful, terrible dystopic future. Can’t you just picture it? Shoppers wandering the grocery store in fleecy blue robes like weird siesta monks. Surgeons performing appendectomies in Snuggie scrubs. Snuggie wedding dresses made of snow white glitter fleece, Snuggie tuxedos, Snuggie basketball uniforms…
It’s a beautiful thing. And a terrifying one.
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & pajama protestor
P.S. Despite my stand against PJs in public, I’m a big supporter of pajamas for dogs (in private, in public, pretty much anywhere):
My worst job ever (…so far)
- I actually kind of like these silly hats. Does that make me crazy?
At some point in his or her life, almost everyone is required to work a totally un-fun, demeaning, or heart-wrenchingly miserable job. It’s a rite of passage, and, as clichéd dads everywhere like to say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” While this a flawed statement – um, ever hear of paraplegia or traumatic brain injury, clichéd dad? – there’s some truth to it when it refers to bad jobs and not horrific physical harm. You can work a terrible job at any age, but teenagers seem to really luck out when it comes to landing low on the employment totem pole. This is most likely because they A) have little to no prior work experience and B) minimal education. Isn’t it awesome to be young?? Typical bottom-rung jobs for teens include positions in food service, retail, and movie theaters. In these jobs, you have to wear an embarrassing uniform, talk to people who think you’re an idiot as a result of aforementioned uniform, and more often than not you get the privilege of cleaning up icky things, like vomit or spilled milkshakes.
I shudder thinking back to my own personal “worst job ever.” I was 16 and super-stoked to devote the little free time I had remaining after school and extracurricular activities to working for minimum wage, so when I was offered a job as a sandwich-maker and barista-in-training at a popular local bagel shop, I leaped at the opportunity. This is my chance, I thought, and fantasized about the day I’d fulfill my lifelong dream of promotion from barista-in-training to plain ol’ barista. Actually, I had no such dream and good thing I didn’t, because that day never came. In fact, after a series of near nervous breakdowns and gory accidents involving bagel knives, I quit within two months of being hired. I wasn’t cut out for food service. In my most self-disparaging moments, it seemed to me that the only thing I was cut out for was cutting myself (which I did a lot). I worked on weekends, from 6 am to 2 pm, the time of day when the fuming hordes of angry morning people trudge in to angrily order their first coffee of the day. This was a problem for me, as I am frightened by angry people. I often wanted to run away from my customers, but alas, I was trapped behind the sandwich counter. Instead of running away, I would try to think calming thoughts while making sandwiches as quickly as possible. And then cut myself. While you might think that seeing an anxious teenage girl in an embarrassing uniform injure herself while rushing to prepare a perfect bagel with lox for your breakfast enjoyment would inspire some pity in your cold, angry morning heart, my pain did not seem to have this effect on my customers. Usually, they just got angrier. “DARN THIS INCOMPETENT MORON IN AN APRON HEMORRHAGING ALL OVER MY SMOKED SALMON,” they’d scream, pounding their fists against the counter. Not really, but they were grumpy. They gave me mean looks.
- This is a portrait of my soul during my period of employment at the bagel shop.
I should also mention that cream cheese makes me ill, and working at a bagel shop involves a lot of cream cheese. For some reason, I thought I could get over my intense aversion to the foul substance with time and concentrated effort. I did overcome my disgust to a certain extent, but if people ordered extra cream cheese – which they did, not infrequently – I’d have to restrain the urge to gag. Oh my gosh, cream cheese is so vile. I cannot get over it.
In addition to bleeding a lot and smearing nauseating white stuff on the bagels of total grumps, my job also required me to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift. Scrubbing out a public toilet is always such a treat at the end of the day, don’t you think? Erm, no.
It was a terrible job, I hated it, and I quit. Within a few weeks I found a much more palatable position as a mail girl and office assistant for a law firm, and all was right with the world. Today I sometimes wonder if I was just being wimpy about the job at the bagel shop; if it would have been better to tough it out and try to make it to official barista status. Honestly, I don’t think so. I especially don’t think so when a whiff of cream cheese launches me into the terrifying world of sandwich-making flashbacks. Food service wasn’t for me, but I’m sure it’s not the worst job out there. I once saw an episode of the Tyra Show about a woman whose job it was to taste-test dog food–that might be the worst job. Another possible candidate for the elite “World’s Worst Job” award would be the person at pizza places or furniture stores whose job it is to dress up in a giant hot dog suit and stand out along a busy street with a sandwich board sign advertising a 20% discount on sodas. I always feel sad for those people when I drive by them, and I never buy their slightly cheaper than usual soft drinks. I’m sure the discounted Sprite would taste like heartache, and the bargain Coke like crushed dreams.
What was your worst job ever? I long to hear your horror stories. You know the drill: email me at acobb@ntrw.org and you’ll receive a lovingly handcrafted, sympathetic response from a fellow working stiff.
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & cream cheese depreciator
P.S. Click here for a clip of Adam Fayhe, one of our early interviewees, talking about his worst job(s). Telemarketing–yikes!
Quick & creative last-minute gift ideas
I assume that, because you’re so on top of things and totally “with it,” you’ve already finished up your holiday shopping and are now sitting back, basking in the bliss of the season. Wait, you haven’t? Oh. I guess you’re in deep trouble, then! Don’t you know that if you fail to give someone a gift, he or she will immediately stop loving you and never speak to you ever again? Are you panicked yet? First, I recommend calming yourself with a few deep breathing exercises. Picture a tranquil ocean and so on. Imagine yourself floating away, freed from your holiday gift anxiety. Then, if I were you, I’d read through the incredibly thoughtful list of super quick, easy & inexpensive gifts I’ve come up with for you (because I care), found below…
1. An artistic rendering of the recipient. People love personalized stuff: monogrammed towels, monogrammed iPhones, sleep number beds, whatever! Anything that seems specially crafted for one’s very own uniquely unique self is always a big hit. What could possibly be more personal than a portrait, I ask you? Nothing. Neither your artistic medium – pencil, pen, crayon, watercolor, papier-mache – nor your talent level really matters in this case, since the recipient will be too bowled over with delight that you took the time to honor their likeness through art to even consider the technical merits of the work itself. It’s true, I swear! It’s remarkable how tickled people can be over even the most stick-figureish representations of themselves.
2. Homemade goodies and treats. Homemade delectables are an obvious but easy and always pleasing holiday gift idea. Everyone likes cookies! If a person doesn’t like cookies, he or she probably doesn’t like holidays (or puppies, or fun) either and therefore shouldn’t even be on your gift-list. You don’t have to get all fancy with holiday treats, so if you’re intimidated by complicated recipes, have no fear! There are a million simple, delicious sweets you can make that will satisfy even the crankiest, most critical connoisseurs. Every year for the past 30,000 years, I’ve made fudge to give to friends and family at Christmas time. It’s wicked easy, everyone always loves it, and, best of all, I get to lick the spoon. Here’s my recipe: in a double boiler, melt together three cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips and one 14 oz. can of sweetened condensed milk, plus a dash of salt. When the mixture is all smooth and melty, take it off the heat and add 1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract, then quickly glop the magical chocolate ooze into a parchment paper-lined baking pan. Stick that in the fridge to chill for two hours and voila, you’re done! It’s totally foolproof & really, really tasty. Other ideas: cutely decorated gingerbread or sugar cookies, peppermint bark, chocolate truffles, scotch toffee bars.
3. Your own ‘Holiday Hits’ CD. To celebrate the special joys of the season, why not make your loved ones a CD of handpicked holiday hits? This is what I’m doing this year, as I recently discovered that our crazy world is simply chock-full of beyond mysterious Christmas-themed musical oddities. Now that I know this, I feel the need to share these unconventional carols with absolutely everyone. Here, I’ll even give you a taste:
“Santa Came on a Nuclear Missile,” by Heather Noel
“White Christmas,” by the Jingle Cats
“To Heck With Ole Santa Claus,” by Loretta Lynn
I think everyone should have their own holiday album. Get started on yours NOW and send a copy to me, pretty please; it’s all I want for Christmas.
4. Salvo Strangeness. If your friends are mildly imbalanced like mine are, a great thing to get them for the holidays is the weirdest thing you can find for $5 (or less!) in your local Salvation Army or Goodwill thrift store. I bet it will be something really weird. For example, my local Salvo in South Portland is loaded with these bizarre dog bowls that have phrases printed on them like, “I just need to lie down for 5 minutes” and “Egg Clomp-Clomp.” None of my friends have dogs but boy am I tempted to buy one of those bowls for each and every person in my social circle. I even want one myself! Strange framed art from thrift stores makes for another lovely gift. School portraits of other people’s children, velvet paintings of raccoons, clumsily done needlepoint samplers: wonderful gifts one and all for the weirdo in your life.
I personally would love to receive any of the above gifts, and I would never even guess that you were hastily preparing it the night before. I would just be like, “Oh, a portrait of me drawn in magic marker on the back of a Hannaford receipt? YOU’RE THE BEST EVER!” I’m sure your friends and relations will feel the same.
Now I’d like to move on to some last-minute gifts that really ought be avoided if you like the would-be gift recipient even a little bit.
Truly Terrible but Oddly Oft-Recommended Gifts:
Seasonally scented candles. Hate ‘em. There’s just no way anyone with a nose wants their house smelling like “Snowman’s Toes” or “Mistletoe Mist.” I guess these candles might be okay for your noseless friends, though.
“Sand Art” cookie-in-a-jar kits. “Oh thanks, a mason jar of flour.”
Coasters. Every single “last-minute gift” list I consulted recommended coasters. If I received coasters for Christmas, I think I’d just give up living right there on the spot because someone in the world thought I was a boring enough human being to get all stoked about new coasters. Please don’t get anyone coasters this holiday season unless you want to say, “I don’t know you very well but I’m fairly certain you don’t want your table getting moist.” Coasters make you as the gift-giver look bad, they make the person receiving the gift look bad, and ultimately they just make the world a less pleasant place to live. NO COASTERS.
Lottery tickets. Ah, the gift of disappointment.
“Love.” In hard economic times, the writers of gift lists stretch to try to come up with cheap/free gifts to recommend to the cash-strapped masses, and I understand that. Fine. Nonetheless, this is what I have to say about giving “love”: EW. Majorly creepy. I mean, go ahead and love the people in your life but, whatever you do, don’t tell them that you’re giving them the gift of “love” for the holidays. If you do, they’ll probably throw up on you and cleaning vomit off of your PJs can really put a damper on Christmas morning.
With Love (but not “love”),
Aurora C., editor & not-so-secret Santa
From the Archives: “What Makes a Good Party?”
‘Tis the season for parties, or so I hear from people with social lives. It must be exhausting to go through all those invitations for ugly sweater parties, cookie exchange parties, kwanzaa parties, Feliz Navidad fiestas, New Year’s Eve minglers—whew! Fortunately, I don’t have to sweat over any of that. Instead I’m free to spend my holiday season peacefully staring at my cat as he licks himself. Lucky me. For those of you who are unlucky enough to be afflicted with parties, and especially those of you who might be planning to throw a party yourselves, I’ve delved into the video vault once more to unearth for you an instructive guide to throwing the shindig to top all shindigs. “What Makes a Good Party?” was produced in 1950 by Coronet Instructional Films, the company responsible for such other gems as “Joan Avoids a Cold” (1947) and “Are You Ready for Marriage?” (1950). Boy, did they really have the art of parties down to a science back then! I found the film highly illuminating, and I hope you will too.
In case you can’t find the ten minutes to watch the film that Coronet Instructional Films so lovingly crafted for you (just for you!), allow me to run through a brief outline of the valuable lessons it teaches us about what makes a good party. The film starts with Jean, Arlene, Nora and a large stuffed panda planning a party for Steve, Jean’s brother’s college roommate, who is visiting for the first time. Being logical young women, they recognize the grave importance of impressing a college boy and are devoted to making this party, like, totally the best party ever. So, what do they need to do? The narrator informs us that planning a good party requires careful reflection on four basic elements: the guest list, invitations, refreshments, and entertainment. This might seem complicated, but it’s really not. Allow me outline it for you in simple terms:
1. First, you figure out who you want at your party, thereby creating the ‘guest list.’ The intrepid party planners seen in the film make the savvy decision to invite an equal number of girls and boys to their party, because everyone knows that a party is really nothing more than an elaborate matchmaking ritual.
2. Somehow alert the people you’ve awarded the special honor of being allowed to attend your party that they are among the chosen few. You can do this either by calling them, sending them an invitation through the mail, or by contacting them through telepathy (if you are so gifted).
3. Once your guests are secured within the confines of your home, you are expected to feed them. It’s a tough break, I know, but that’s social doctrine for you! So unfair. As Jean et al. point out, it’s especially important to provide refreshments if boys will be present at your party, since unfed male guests are liable to hate you forever, boycott any future gatherings you may hold, and possibly even break your furniture during some enraged convulsion resulting from snack deprivation. I would recommend making at least three dozen deviled eggs to preclude any such chaos.
4. In addition to feeding your party guests, you’re also expected to serve up to them that more intangible party ingredient commonly referred to as “fun.” Yikes. Fun? How does that work? “What Makes a Good Party?” repeatedly stresses that fun is the most essential aspect of a successful party, but the film falls a bit short when it comes to demonstrating what “fun” ought consist of. Apparently, people in the post-WWII era created fun by A) wearing placards of farm animals hanging down their backs, B) writing quietly in miniature notebooks, C) making ladies’ hats out of tissue paper, and D) singing “Jimmy Crack Corn.” While singing “Jimmy Crack Corn” is a constant facet of all my soirees, I don’t particularly understand how any of the other aforementioned activities constitute “fun.”
Once you’ve got these four things down, congratulations, you’re officially having a party. Good for you! I’m so proud.
Towards the end, the film’s narrator offers a final piece of advice that I find very wise and it is this: “Part of a good party is knowing when to go home: shortly after refreshments have been served.” I agree completely. In fact, the “eat-and-run” approach is a highly effective and time-honored celebratory technique. However, if you do choose to apply this particular method to your partying this holiday season, be warned that you run the risk of missing a rousing rendition of “Jimmy Crack Corn” or, even better, “There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly”—do you really think you could live with that? That’s a decision only you can make, darling.
With Love,
Aurora C., editor & moderately festive person*
*Not as festive as some, but considerably more festive than others.
5 ways to ditch December depression
Although it’s not technically winter yet – we’ve got to wait until the solstice on December 22nd for it to be official – and we’ve had fairly mild weather here in Maine so far this season, I nonetheless feel a certain snowy sense of sorrow beginning to set in. It’s cold outside, it’s dark at 4 pm, and the radio won’t stop playing that nightmarish “Little Drummer Boy” song, no matter how much I plead with the universe to spare me the pain of hearing “ba-rump-a-bum-bum” yet again. While some people apparently love waltzing about under the mistletoe, drinking eggnog ’til they’re ill, and participating in highly suspect snow-sports such as skiing and snowboarding, I would prefer to spend my winter months in hibernation, as did my bear and groundhog forefathers. Unfortunately, it is not considered socially acceptable for a young woman to assume the fetal position and spend December through mid-March bundled up in a large hole. Cruelly denied the hibernation option and forced to slog about through the slush, I sometimes begin to feel a bit blue. I know I’m not alone in this. In order to help myself and my fellow “Blue Christmas”-types maintain reasonable levels of perkiness this winter, I have compiled a list of the top five things you & I can do to keep from crying into our candy canes.
1) Get your daily dose of sunshine. Even though it may seem more pleasant to spend December days inside drinking hot cocoa, getting outside and catching some rays is one of the best ways to boost your mood in the wintertime. Maximize your sun exposure by going out at midday, when the sun’s light is most direct. How does sunshine help you feel better? Well, research has shown that sunlight plays a role in the production of several chemicals that help keep away the blues. In the winter, the reduced sunlight can cause your body to produce less serotonin, a chemical linked with feelings of well-being, thereby triggering gloom and glumness. A deficiency in Vitamin D, which your body makes on its own when exposed to sunlight, has also been linked with depression. If you really can’t get outside, you might consider trying light therapy, which involves spending two hours a day sitting in front of a special light bulb. No, tanning booths are not a recommended form of light therapy. You could also try wearing a funny-looking light therapy hat. Finally, if you want to be really lazy about letting some light into your life, I’ve read that even watching television programs that take place in warm, sunny places can provide a little pick-me-up. I guess this means now is the perfect time for that Miami Vice or Dexter marathon you’ve been planning….
2) Aerobicize! You don’t actually have to go all Richards Simmons and start sweatin’ to the oldies, but regular exercise is one scientifically-proven way to ward off wintertime woes. When you exercise, your body produces chemicals called endorphins, which reduce pain and trigger positive, happy feelings. Regular exercise has been proven to reduce stress, help prevent depression and anxiety, and boost self-esteem. Researchers have also found that pretty much any type of exercise will have these great effects, so you have lots of options to choose from! Whatever will get you off the couch and working up a sweat is fine, whether that means pilates, kickboxing, running on a treadmill, or dancing around the house like a crazy person (my preferred exercise routine).
3) Watch what you eat. It’s easy during the holidays to get into some pretty bad eating habits, what with all the gingerbread men, pies, and fruitcakes people are constantly hurling at you this time of year. While it seems fun to gobble down sweets, all of that sugar can seriously bring you down. Overindulgence in sugary foods has been linked with such symptoms as fatigue, irritability, depressed mood, and poor concentration. To avoid these symptoms, try to keep your blood sugar steady and level by eating breakfast everyday, choosing foods low in sugar and high in fiber, and snacking on lots of healthy, yummy vegetables (i.e. broccoli). Researchers have also found that eating foods containing omega-3 fatty acids can increase feelings of well-being. Many types of seafood are great sources of omega-3s, including sardines, tuna, salmon, shrimp, and cod. Tofu, kale, walnuts, and winter squashes will also help you get some of these good-for-you fats into your diet.
4) Find a project. This is going to sound really lame and you probably won’t believe me, but one good idea for fighting those winter blues might be to clean out your closet. Taking up some type of constructive project like reorganizing a closet or painting your bedroom will not only distract you from those gloomy thoughts that settle in when you’re laying around waiting for the snow to stop, it’s pretty likely to also provide you with a sense of accomplishment that will boost your self-esteem and leave you feeling really super cool. At the very least, having a project will provide you with a reason to get out of bed. If you’re not that into cleaning the debris-strewn wasteland you call your bedroom, why not look into some sort of craft project? Whittle all your friends life-like wooden busts of former presidents, or knit them little hats for their assorted and sundry housepets. That’s what my mom does, and she seems to find it very fulfilling.
5) Talk it out. Sometimes when we’re feeling down, we have a tendency to isolate ourselves from our friends and families. Obviously, this is not the best strategy. When we’re in low spirits is when we need our friends and the people we care about the most, so resist the urge to lock yourself down in your bedroom with only your collection of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch DVDs and snack-size bags of Cheetos for company. Seek out someone to talk to, whether it’s a friend, a parent, or your Uncle Chuck. In all likelihood, this person will be able to relate to your winter-induced ennui and commiserate with you. At the very least, he or she will be able to provide a shoulder to sniffle on. Finally, if it ever gets really bad, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. If you find yourself becoming seriously miserable when the air gets chilly, you may have seasonal affective disorder, a very real form of clinical depression. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is treatable, but you’ll need to consult with a mental health professional to get things sorted out properly.
I hope these suggestions will provide you with some relief, my fellow snow-sad sisters & brothers. I can tell you for sure that I’ll be running around, snacking on sardines and sunbathing like a Floridian beach-hound this winter to try to avoid falling into the ‘blahs.’ Maybe you’d like to join me, and we can talk about it.
With Love,
Aurora, editor & aerobics queen
P.S. Oh, and here’s this: 
HIGH SCHOOL HORRORS: Bullying, Part 1
Above you’ll find a clip from the film Back to the Future, in which we see poor George McFly (played by Crispin Glover, the love of my life) being bullied by the beefy and obnoxious Biff Tannen. I’m posting this video not to make light of George’s suffering, but rather as a clever segue into conversation on the topic of bullying. Bullying is a serious problem that affects millions of teenagers in middle and high schools across the country. According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, almost 30% of teens are involved in bullying, either as the bully or as the target of the harassment. Other studies report that that number is closer to 75%. Either way, that’s a lot of kids whose lives are being dramatically impacted by bullying. Being bullied can lead teenagers to feel anxious, lonely, and insecure. These consequences can have lasting effects: research has found that adults who were bullied as teenagers have higher levels of depression than those who were not bullied. For the bullies themselves, such malicious and aggressive behavior is often a sign of poor social adjustment, a diminished sense of self-worth, and sometimes even abuse at home. In many cases, the bullies are suffering nearly as much as their victims.
As this blog goes forward, I intend to approach the subject of bullying from a variety of angles. What causes people to bully one another? How can you avoid being bullied? How can you help other people who you see being bullied? What should you do if you are the victim of bullying? And what about cyberbullying, that new trend in cruelty that’s all the rage these days? All of these questions are important, and I hope to track down answers each one. For now, though, I’d like to hear what you have to say about bullying. If you’ve ever been bullied, been the bully, or witnessed an incident of bullying that affected you, I want to know about it! Email me at acobb@ntrw.org. I’m eager to know what your thoughts are on this issue!
I’m lucky in that I’ve had only minimal experience with bullying in my own life. Although I was the world’s most enormous loser in both middle and high school, people basically left me alone. I was teased for being a bookworm and one time this terrible kid spat on my shoe, but I’m not even totally positive that he did it on purpose. I think he did, and it was mean, but that isolated incident hardly counts as severe bullying.
Fortunately for you, however, we have in our archives a number of stories from people who have dealt with bullying in high school, so you’re not stuck looking to me for advice on this issue. Instead, check out the clips below:
1) http://www.ntrw.org/clip/dealing-with-bullying-in-high-school/
2) http://www.ntrw.org/quote/dont-let-bullying-bring-you-down/
3) http://www.ntrw.org/quote/look-within-yourself-for-strength/
So, that’s a start. More to come soon! Remember, if you have experience with or questions about bullying, shoot me an email. I promise I don’t bite (or bully).
With Love,
Aurora, editor & #1 Crispin Glover fan
Staggeringly helpful tips for a productive Thanksgiving break
- Mr. Fluffles is having a decidedly grumpy Thanksgiving, it seems. Ensure yourself a happier one by keeping ahead with your homework over the vacation!
Upon consulting my calendar this morning, I was alarmed to discover that we are fast approaching the beloved holiday known to some as Thanksgiving, to others as Turkey Day, and to others as ‘that day before all the sales at Best Buy.’ Just in case you’re as out of touch with reality as I am, that particular holiday is actually set to take place tomorrow. Funny how these things sneak up on you, isn’t it? The other funny thing about holidays is that, even though you’re not physically trapped within the confines of the prison that is your high school or post-secondary institution (and I mean prison in the most positive way, of course!), you’re still expected to do schoolwork. Argh! The cruelty! The injustice! How are you supposed to enjoy your 25 lbs of turkey and gallon of gravy if you have pesky homework hanging over your head?
Fortunately for you, I have a few suggestions:
1) Plan ahead. Before heading home for break, it’s a smart idea to make yourself a list of all of the assignments that will require your attention during the vacation. I find that writing everything down usually helps me to realize that the work isn’t as overwhelming as I might have believed, and that there may in fact turn out to be a way to get it all done. When it’s just floating around in your head like so many panic-inducing nebulae, you can begin to feel like there’s far more to do than their actually is. Simply make a list and prepare for the relaxation to wash over you within seconds, filling you with tranquility and holiday cheer.
2) Make a schedule. I don’t know about you, but trying to cram several day’s worth of work into a few hours on the night before the return to school is not my number one favorite pastime. Instead, a far less painful approach is to set aside a few hours every day of break to work on your assignments. Try waking up before 10 am, if you can imagine, and spending those hours before noon reading or drafting an outline of your paper rather than frittering away that time dreaming of Justin Bieber (or whoever you crazy kids like these days). Then you’ll have the rest of the day to visit with friends, eat pie, or brush your dog’s teeth. Whatever you’re into! I don’t judge. Plus, you won’t have wasted all that REM on the Biebs – I mean, he’s not even that cute.
3) Find a quiet place to work. Sometimes one’s home is not the locale most conducive to quiet studying. Mine certainly isn’t, especially during the holidays when everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs running around throwing turkeys at one another and shooting Airsoft guns at the dogs. In this situation, you may find yourself thinking something along the lines of, ‘There’s no way I can get any work done now; I’ll just wait until Sunday.’ Aha, my friend! There is a flaw in your logic! See, you may not know this, but you are rarely actually forced to stay in your home. There are other places to go, and some of these places may be quieter and easier to work in than your house. May I suggest the local library, a coffee shop, perhaps an abandoned mineshaft? As regards the final option, I must warn you that it can be difficult to find an abandoned mineshaft that offers wifi.
Follow these few nuggets of advice & you can look forward to a productive, pseudo-stress-free, happy, pie-filled Thanksgiving break. Otherwise, expect a Sunday night of torment such that can hardly be fathomed by the human mind. What a toss-up, right? Not really.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!
With love,
Aurora, editor & master list-maker
HIGH SCHOOL HORRORS: Lessons learned as the “new kid”
If you take a gander at our most recent edition of Navigating the Real World – which you should definitely do, if you haven’t yet – you’ll find a quote on our “Hard Times in High School Page” from the above clip of our interview with Leyla Dirsek. In the clip, Leyla talks about the challenges of being the “new kid” in school, a less-than-fun situation that many of us are familiar with.
Although the New Kids on the Block were cool, popular, and generally acknowledged as awesome by every single person ever, the new kid in school usually isn’t.
Look at these guys! What style! What panache!
Instead of being universally adored like the New Kids on the Block, the new kid in school is often viewed as a bizarre, possibly disease-laden alien entity and is subsequently treated with varying degrees of caution and contempt by the “natives.” My personal experiences with this type of treatment have led me to a simple conclusion: it stinks. When I was 15 years old, my mother and I moved halfway across the country to the Midwestern state of Iowa. I was not happy about the move, and I was particularly not happy with the prospect of beginning at a new school. Unfortunately for me, my mother was not so open-minded and forward-thinking as to allow me to homeschool myself through my sophomore year of high school, so I had no choice but to put my game face on and sojourn through a year of “new kid-hood.” It was not an easy time for me. My Iowan high school peers seemed highly skeptical of me and were not eager to welcome me into the fold. I’ll admit that I didn’t help myself out much on the social front, as I decided early on to take the unorthodox friend-making approach of never talking to anyone, ever. I suppose I thought that by being silent and withdrawn, I’d create an air of mystery around myself that would draw friends to my side like seagulls to french fries left lying on the beach. Surprisingly enough, my brilliant plan didn’t work. Who’d have guessed? For six months, I had no friends. I spoke to no one, and no one spoke to me. I stopped eating lunch and began spending my lunch period in the library because the idea of sitting alone in the cafeteria was just too horrible to consider. My vocal cords began to atrophy from lack of use, I forgot how to smile, and I became convinced that I was doomed to be friendless and alone for the rest of my life. It was really, deeply, truly awful.
This was me. Actually, it's Ally Sheedy in the classic 80s film The Breakfast Club. Whatever.
And then something weird happened; something really weird, something bizarre beyond human comprehension: I started making friends. I honestly don’t know how it happened, since I certainly cannot claim any credit for the anomalous expansion of my social circle from zero to 1, then 2, then 3. Ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter how it happened. All that mattered was that finally, after months and months of isolated woe, I had friends.
Looking back on my time as a new kid in IA, I realize that a lot of why I didn’t make friends quickly was my own darn fault. Obviously, not talking to anyone was a majorly bad move. It was more than that, though. For starters, I was fairly confident that no one would want to be my friend and I figured, why bother? No one is going to like me, so I may as well not even try to meet anyone. I also sabotaged myself by going into my new school with certain prejudices about the Midwest and its people. I felt like my fellow students were judgmental and unwelcoming of me as a “new kid,” but I didn’t realize I was being just as judgmental about them. In my mind, all Iowans were tanned, blonde “farmer’s daughter”-type cheerleaders tossing around corncobs instead of pom-poms. That’s what I expected, and so I came into school already sure that I wouldn’t fit in or have anything in common with anyone. This was not productive thinking. You have to be open-minded when you move to a new place; you can’t make assumptions and rule everyone out from the start. While a few Iowans were in fact corn-juggling cheerleaders, the majority of them were not. It took me way too long to realize that my original expectations were miles off the mark.
This is what I imagined most Iowans would look like before I moved there. As it turns out, only 3% of Iowans are actually giant corn cob monster-agriculturalists.
Today I consider the friends I made in IA to be some of my very best, and I’m grateful that they decided to take a chance on me despite my being a silent weirdo huddled in the corner.
(Thanks, guys…)
In the end, I’m also grateful to have had the experience of being a new kid. It wasn’t a laugh riot, but it taught me a lot of important “life lessons,” as your weird Uncle who always talks too much at Thanksgiving might call them. It made me me realize and begin to rethink my not-so-awesome tendency to jump to conclusions about people, places, and other nouns. It also taught me that there are interesting, exciting people all over the place; you just have to be open to getting to know them. Plus, I learned a lot about Iowa during my time there. For example, did you know that Iowa gets more tornadoes than any other state? Or that Cap’n Crunch is manufactured in Cedar Rapids, IA?
Well, now you know.
With Love,
Aurora, editor & Cap’n Crunch enthusiast
From the Archives: “How to Keep a Job: A Social Guidance Film for Teenagers”
Isn’t it funny how some things never change? Take this short film, for instance, which teaches us that, even way back in the pre-Jurrassic days of the 1940s, being a jerk at work was a pretty bad idea. What were WWII-era employers looking for in employees? Well, basically the same things they look for today, oddly enough! The films wise & kind boss character, Mr. Wiley, fills his wide-eyed teenage job applicant in on the 4 essential qualities employers value in their workers:
1. Dependability (i.e. showing up on time, completing tasks in a timely manner, etc.)
2. Cooperation (i.e. helping other people out)
3. Initiative (i.e. taking the first step to get things done, coming up with new ideas, etc.)
4. Loyalty (i.e. not bad-mouthing your company)
It all seems so obvious – don’t be lazy, don’t be late, don’t be a trash-talking moron – but apparently we still haven’t gotten it into our heads yet, since these are the exact same characteristics people stress as key on-the-job skills today. How is it possible that we haven’t gotten this down yet after over 60 years? Maybe we’re slow learners, or maybe we’re actually braindead. It’s not complicated: show that you’re an “eager beaver,” as Mr. Wiley would say, and your boss will want to keep you around. If you’d rather not be a beaver (for whatever personal reasons you may have), I’m sure being an “eager beagle” or an “enthusiastic possum” would be equally as impressive to your employer.
Our November edition of NtRW is out…
…and it’s looking good!
(not to brag or anything; we’re very humble & modest here at NtRW)
View the online PDF here: http://tiny.cc/upssu
Don’t forget that you can click on the links to view videos from our interviews with the people featured in this edition. How convenient!
THE ART OF FORCING PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU
Do you think this book will teach me how to influence people to be eternal servants to my will? I'm on the market for some new minions...
Whether you’re trying to impress a potential boss in a job interview, make new friends, or woo the girl/boy of your dreams, your success will depend largely on your command of a few basic social skills. Although I am now a hermit living cozily beneath a large rock, I have in the past found it necessary to interact with other human beings, and I would like to share with you what I have learned about being insanely charming and forcing other people to adore you.
1) MAKE EYE CONTACT. If you don’t maintain eye contact with someone you’re speaking to, you appear to lack confidence. Even worse, you can seem shifty, shirking, and downright criminal, as though you can’t bear to look the person in the eye because you just stole her grandma’s purse. Obviously this is not the impression you want to make. Steady eye contact shows that you’re interested in what the other person is saying, and tricks that person into thinking you’re an honest and upright kind of guy or gal. Of course, there is such a thing as too much eye contact. If you stare into someone’s eyes too deeply or for too long, he’ll think you’re creepy and possibly trying to hypnotize him. Vary your gaze by occasionally examining the person’s nose or upper lip.
2) SMILE. When I’m meeting someone for the first time, I always make an effort to keep a smile on my face for the entire duration of our interaction. Usually I end up with a nasty facial cramp, but it’s well worth it. The more pleasant, positive, and agreeable you seem, the more people will love you, so smile. Pretend everything your new acquaintances say is brilliant and fascinating, even if they’re discussing their flossing habits or new tennis shoes. Laugh at their jokes. Ideally, joy and good will should be positively dripping out of your every pore.
3) PAY ATTENTION. You have to really listen to what people say when they’re talking to you. This can be difficult, as most people have a lot of painfully boring things to say, but you just have to buck up and do it. Everyone thinks that he or she is incredibly interesting and will like you if you support this delusion. Show that you’re interested in what the person has to say be being an active listener. Ask relevant questions to prove that you’re paying attention. Nod a lot. Don’t talk too much; never, ever interrupt. Try not to yawn.
Mastering these basic social skills will open countless doors for you over the course of your time as a human. I can’t promise that you’ll make a million new friends, land the job of your dreams, and become the master of the universe, but I’ll bet you $5 that you will. You can find me underneath my rock if you want to take me up on it!
With Love,
Aurora C., editor and sociopath
…er, I mean, “social butterfly”
Our Picks
Editor’s Pick: Not having as much money as her classmates
“My family was blue-collar in a white-collar town. My parents worked really hard and did their best, but they had four kids and neither of them had advanced degrees. They did what they could. Even though we were always taken care of and I never wanted for food or clothing or shelter, most of the kids at my very small high school – there were about 60 people in my class – had so much more than I did, and I felt that difference everyday.”
Editor’s Pick: Losing her father and leaving school
“My dad died in 2008 and I dropped out of high school my junior year for about three or four months. I just went to work full-time to keep my thoughts away from school and my dad’s death. I didn’t want to go to school because I didn’t want to be faced with the questions about why I hadn’t been in school. It was embarrassing to me. I let my teachers down, I let my mom down; I let a lot of people down. Finally during my senior year I realized that this is not a game; this is real life and I have to support myself. What could I do without an education?”