I hope it will not overly traumatize you to learn that the time has come for me to say farewell, bid you adieu, “peace out,” etc. etc. It has been a pleasure to write this blog, but now I must move on. To what, you say? How could I betray you so cruelly, you say? Is that a tear I see in your eye? Please, goodbyes are always difficult but let’s try to be mature about this and not get carried away! I know you’ll go on perfectly well without me. And I, too, will sojourn on through life without you. We’ll make it.

Ack, I’m getting all choked up…

I hardly know what to say…

When words elude me, I have a certain proclivity to turn to music to express my emotions. In this instance, I’d like to leave you with this touching and truly heartwarming song about the pain of saying goodbye to a dear friend. One warning: you may want to grab a Kleenex before you watch.

*sniff*

Did I say one Kleenex? I meant a whole box.

I wish you all the very best in 2013 and beyond! Happy Holidays!

With Love, 

Aurora C., editor & weepy Pokemon fan

Scholarships are an awesome way to earn extra money to apply towards your college education. But what if you’re not a straight-A student who can play flawless violin solos while simultaneously scoring goals on the soccer field and spoon-feeding homeless puppies? Aren’t straight-A-music-prodigy-soccer-star-puppy-feeders the only people who win scholarships?

I’m relieved to report that the answer to that question is a resounding “NO.” Although these talented individuals are most assuredly deserving of some kind of reward for their efforts, such feats are not necessary to win a nice bit of scholarship cash. In fact, all you have to do is be able to chat with ducks, or be pretty tall. Or like milk a whole lot.

Stay with me here. I promise I haven’t snapped. I’ve got proof! For the scoop on five of the strangest, most out-there scholarships you could win just for being your perfect little weirdo self, read on….

#5. Scholar Athlete Milk Mustache of the Year

If you’re a good student who plays a sport and really likes milk, this could be the scholarship for you! Apply online for your chance to be one of 25 high school seniors from all over the U.S. to win a $7,500 scholarship and the opportunity to star in a nationally circulated “Milk Mustache” ad.

#4. Tall Club International Scholarship

Tall Club International is an organization of Tall Clubs in the United States and Canada with the stated purpose of promoting “tall awareness among tall men and women, and in the community.” Each year, at the TCI convention, the organization awards scholarships of up to $1000 each to students who meet the height requirement and write an essay about being tall. How tall is tall enough? For men, the magic number is 6’2”, while a woman must be 5’10” to qualify for Tall Club membership.

#3. Chick and Sophie Major Memorial Duck Calling Contest

Although it takes place in Stuttgart, AR., this contest is open to any high school senior in the United States with a passion and talent for calling ducks—and I don’t mean on the phone! If you’ve got what it takes, you could win the first prize scholarship of $2000. The second prize is $1,000, the third $750. Even if you’re only the fourth best duck caller in the contest, you still win $500!

Apparently, this very cool machine is somehow involved in the mysterious “vacuum coating” phenomenon…

I am seriously, possibly dangerously obsessed with Halloween—so obsessed, in fact, that I have renamed October “Halloween Month”: today is not October 11th; it is the 11th day of Halloween. This way, I get to celebrate 31 days of Halloween instead of just one night! Brilliant! If you share my passion for this most glorious of holidays, here’s a to-do list of spooky fall fun across the state:

Haunted Houses & Hayrides

Destination Haunt – Lebanon, ME

Voted the “Scariest” haunted attraction in Maine (although by whom it’s difficult to say), Destination Haunt is the product of a clandestine government experiment gone wrong, wherein a portal to the netherworld was accidentally opened, thereby unleashing untold evils from the chasms at the core of the earth. At least that’s what it says on the Destination Haunt website.

The Gauntlet Haunted Night Ride – Mechanics Falls, ME

A hay wagon ride through a pitch-black forest lousy with demons and ghosts? Local legends brought to life? A haunted corn maze? Someone named the “Spookmeister”? How frighteningly irresistible! Read a review of The Gauntlet by a terrified journalist or squirm your way over to the Harvest Hill Farms website for more information…if you dare…

Haunted Hayrides – Scarborough, ME

Haunted Hayrides are awesome, and this haunted hayride includes free (“spider”) soda and (“poisonous”) popcorn, which makes it extra awesome. Am I wrong? I am not wrong. Their website has precious little info – I guess to keep things spooky and cloaked in mystery – but you can check it out for pricing and directions, and to gaze upon a really deformed grim reaper guy.

Fright at the Fort – Prospect, ME (last 2 weekends of October)

Take a leisurely stroll through the shadowy, twisting corridors of the Fort Knox Historic Site, but watch out: zombies and other bloodthirsty creeps prowl these unhallowed halls! Apparently this year’s Fright at the Fort is supposed to be better than ever, so if you’ve been before, expect more chills and thrills this time around. For pricing and timing, etc. etc., mosey over to the Fright at the Fort website.

Halloween Festivals

Halloweenfest at Maine Wildlife Park – Gray, ME (10/19 – 10/20)

The Maine Wildlife Park’s Halloweenfest combines two of my greatest loves: cute critters and haunted hayrides. And Halloween costumes. And “spooky snacks.” This is a can’t-miss! For (not much) more information, consult the Maine Wildlife Park’s calendar of events.

Bucksport Ghostport – Bucksport, ME (10/20)

At Ghostport, you can carve pumpkins and catapult them into the Penobscot bay, watch a coffin parade, listen to scary stories, and then dance the night away at a Zombie Apocalypse party. This is the stuff nightmares are made of! Bonus points for the clever event title, too. For a full schedule of the festivities, visit the Ghostport website.

OgunquitFest – Ogunquit, ME (10/29-10/20)

OgunquitFest is a weekend-long celebration of all things fall: pumpkins, scarecrows, ghosts, Halloween costumes, and polka. Nothing cuts through to the core of terror like polka music, so prepare to be scared like never before by the haunting stylings of Opa’s Oompa Band. For a full schedule and listing of OgunquitFest events, visit the town’s website, www.visitogunquit.org.

Bangor Zombie Walk – Bangor, ME (10/27)

So, a zombie walk isn’t technically a festival, but who’s being technical here? Expecting technicality from me is one way to guarantee a life of bitter disappointment. Anyway, the Bangor Zombie Walk may not be a “festival” but it is an event, and it is sure to be an awesome one! Gussy up in your undead best, shower in (…fake…) blood, and head out for a lovely doomsday stroll around downtown Bangor. Better start practicing your lurching stagger now! More info on the BZW facebook page.

Halloween Parties

Pumpkins in the Park – Bangor, ME (10/20)

Though clearly geared toward the younger kiddos, this event nonetheless sounds like lots of fun to me, with trick-or-treating, a bounce house, and glowing jack-o-lanterns everywhere the eye can see. Plus, it’s for charity—all proceeds go to benefit United Cerebral Palsy of Maine! The one aspect of “Pumpkins in the Park” I’m skeptical about? Clowns. Clowns are just too scary, even for Halloween! Head over to the United Cerebral Palsy of Maine’s website for more details.

Southworth Planetarium Halloween Party & Ghost Hour – Portland, ME (10/26)

Lurk through Portland’s darkest, most star-studded nightspot for an hour or two and eat tasty pumpkin-shaped cookies while learning all about the moon and the sky’s most monstrous constellations. Stay after for an hour of creepy ghost stories read under the cover of darkness by USM staff! Visit the Southworth Planetarium website for details.

Forget Tobacco Halloween Party – Portland, ME (10/31) 

Costume contests, dance-offs, and candy, candy, candy! Youth friendly anti-tobacco initiative Forget Tobacco’s Halloween party exclusively for high school students should be spooky good time your parents will be happy to send you off to. Visit forgettobacco.com/halloween/ for more info.

Old Orchard Beach Fire Department Halloween Party – Old Orchard Beach, ME (10/31)

Every year the Old Orchard Beach Fire Department hosts a community Halloween party at the Fire Station. The event is free – although you’re encouraged to bring an item of canned food or a used coat to donate to local charities – and promises a magician, pizza and, of course, candy. Check out the flyer for specifics!

With so many options, you now have absolutely no excuse not to do something wicked awesome and frighteningly fun for Halloween this year. Don’t let Halloween Month pass you by!

With Love, 

Aurora C., editor & Halloween nut

P.S. If you’re not in the Halloween mood yet – in which case you’re insane, but whatever – watch this video of my favorite Halloween ambassador performing his timeless Halloween carol. Oh, the beauty of the season….

One of the most horrific aspects of returning to school after a long, carefree summer is re-adjusting to early mornings. Most high schools begin classes by 7:15 or 7:30 am, which means that, even if your school is a hop, skip and a jump down the block, you’ve got to be up by 7 at the latest. In Maine, it’s more likely that your high school isn’t right next door, and you’ll either have to drive or take the bus to school. Ugh, now you’ve got to to be crawling out from beneath the sheets by 6, or even earlier!

Despite evidence that the teenage brain is wired for a sleep schedule with later bedtimes and thus later wake up calls, high schools show little interest in shifting starting times to accommodate students’ sleep needs. Because it’s difficult for teens to go to bed early enough to wake up at 6 and still get the 8-9 hours of sleep they need, most high schoolers are slogging through their days sleep deprived. Not only does sleep deprivation cause grouchiness and an unattractive zombie-like pallor, it can have a serious impact on academic performance as well. Put simply, sleepy students are not successful students.

How can you avoid going to school dog-tired? Here’s an idea I bet you’ve never thought of: go to bed earlier! Even though it’s a challenge to get to bed before eleven, make sleep a priority. After all, the body needs sleep just as much as it needs food, water, or oxygen. You literally cannot survive without sleep! Not getting enough sleep can have all sorts of negative consequences: skin break-outs, mood swings, weight gain, a weakened immune system, and a limited ability to absorb and recall information.

That said, if you absolutely can’t get yourself to bed earlier, or if you’ve fit in your 8-9 hours of sleep but you still feel like a slug, try these ideas to help make waking up a little easier:

• Keep your bedroom dark when you’re sleeping by turning out all the lights, closing the blinds, and even wearing one of those silly-looking sleep masks if you’ve got one hanging around. I bet your mom has one somewhere you could use. When it’s time to wake up, open your blinds and let the light shine in, turn on your lamps, and, obviously, remove the sleep mask. The light will let your body know it’s time to get up.
• Set your alarm to play a song or sound that doesn’t make you seethe with rage. Most alarm clocks scream or bleat or howl at you to get you up, the idea being that, the more abrasive the sound is, the more you’ll want to jump out of bed to shut it off. When I was in high school, I had a Scooby Doo Mystery Machine alarm clock that would make the most evil honking sound when it went off, and every morning I fantasized about throwing it against the wall. These kind of violent fantasies do not exactly put one in a good mood first thing in the morning. Having a favorite tune wake you up would be a much better start to the day, don’t you think?
• Jump out of bed. When that alarm rings, don’t turn it off and then linger under the covers, mourning the end of your sleep time. Get up, get out of the bedroom and get going with your morning routine! You’ll feel much less groggy if you make the transition between asleep and awake a quick one.
• Take a quick shower in the morning. You know how in cartoons they’re always pouring buckets of water over the heads of unsuspecting snoozing characters to wake them up? Well, it really works! There’s nothing like a nice hot shower to wash the sleep out of your eyes. If you need an extra kick, try using soaps or body washes with invigorating scents, such as lemon, peppermint, orange, or ginger.
• As you go about your morning routine, put on some energizing tunes in the background. I’ve always found playing fun music in the morning to be a great way to perk me up and get me feeling ready for my day. It’s certainly a pleasant alternative to glum early morning silence!
• No matter what, never, ever, ever skip breakfast. Regardless of how rushed you feel, you should always make the time to eat breakfast. A healthy, well-rounded breakfast will wake you up and provide the fuel you need to feel good throughout your morning. Haven’t had breakfast in so long you can hardly think of what you might eat? Avoid the sugary cereals and Pop Tarts – I know, they’re delicious, but save them for dessert – and go for energy boosting foods like whole grain cereals or breads, proteins like yogurt, eggs, or nuts, and fibre-packed fruits like bananas or blueberries. Oatmeal is always a good quick and easy option, as is whole grain toast with peanut butter. Give yourself the time in the morning to sit down and eat your breakfast and really enjoy it, so that it becomes a treat to wake up to each day. Breakfast truly is the most important meal of the day, so give it the respect it deserves. Relish it.
• Take that cup of coffee out of your morning routine. Many people rely on coffee, other energy drinks, or caffeine pills to get them going in the morning and keep them energized throughout the day. However, this does not mean it’s an awesome thing to do. In fact, it’s not very good for you at all. Caffeine consumption can disrupt the sleep cycle, cause insomnia, and produce such unpleasant side effects as headaches, nervousness, and stomachaches. In addition, when you use caffeine to wake up, you’re weakening your body’s natural capacity to rev itself up. Ideally, you should to be able to get out of bed feeling refreshed without depending on a cup of coffee to do the trick for you.

I’m fairly confident you’ll find these suggestions helpful in improving your morning mood and boosting your energy, because they’ve all gone through rigorous scientific testing in the official NtRW laboratories, located in a secret base underneath the city of Portland. By that I mean I’ve gone ahead and played both researcher and guinea pig, Dr. Jekyl-style, and tried all these “wake up bright-eyed & bushy tailed” tips on myself. The results? These simple solutions to bad morning syndrome really work! Success! Now, when do I get my Nobel Prize?

NtRW wants to know: what’s your morning routine? What do you do to get your day started right? Shoot me an email @: acobb@ntrw.org and maybe I’ll post a follow-up full of your ”good morning” ideas!

With Love, 

Aurora C., editor & early riser

Officially, Labor Day is a holiday to honor, celebrate, and pay tribute to the achievements of American workers, a.k.a. “laborers.” Unofficially, it’s a day of mourning for the  death of summer, a very tragic, dispiriting day indeed. And when summer dies, do you know what rises from its ashes, like a little baby phoenix squawking and squalling for its first meal?

BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON!!!!

Yes, that dreaded time of year has clawed its way into your life once again, folks. Fire up the ol’ noggin, because you’re headed back into the hot zone! Although a certain degree of strife is unavoidable, one thing you absolutely must do in order to prepare  for the year ahead is to assemble the necessary supplies. Like any good little soldier returning to the fray, you’ll need the latest in protective camouflage gear, transport equipment, record-keeping materials for reconnaissance work, and, of course, armaments. But instead of canons or highly trained attack cobras, your weapons will be pens and pencils, and instead of weird leaf-covered suits that make you look like a swampman, your camo will be lovely cardigans and t-shirts from the Gap. Please note, however, that if you find those swampman suits stylish and choose to wear them to school this year as an expression of your personal fashion taste, I am 100% supportive of you. Also, I want a photo.

Because your savings account is not quite as sizable as the average nation’s military budget, you’ll probably have to practice a bit of caution when it comes to your back-to-school spending. Don’t fret: this doesn’t mean you have to go without! There are lots of easy ways to save on getting “fully equipped” for the new year.

1. Search out leftovers. In all likelihood, you probably still have a few binders hanging around from last year that you could empty out and use again, or at least a stack or two of notebook paper. The more you re-use, the less you have to buy, and buying stuff is a pain in the neck–it costs money to buy stuff! Gross!

2. Lounge in the shade of your local Dollar Tree. At dollar stores, everything costs a dollar. One dollar! That’s practically unheard of. And guess what they sell at dollar stores? You got it: school supplies. Pens, highlighters, notebooks, folders, sticky notes, Lisa Frank novelty pencils with erasers shaped like polar bears, whatever. You can get almost everything you need for school at the dollar store, and save loads of money while doing it.

3. Cross the border. Just to the south of our comfy-cozy state of Maine lies an exotic paradise, where none of your purchases are taxed and the state bird is the Purple Finch. I’m talking about New Hampshire, people. Convince your parents to take you on a trip across the border so you can smuggle a few tax-free school supplies across the border. The savings could be criminal!! Get it?

I crack myself up.

4. Thrift it! Because shopping at the mall is a bore, anyway, and boring new clothes can be so absurdly expensive. $15 for a v-neck t-shirt? Yeah right! At your local Goodwill or Salvo, $15 could get you a whole new outfit. Plus, you’re pretty unlikely to pull a Clueless and find yourself wearing the same exact ensemble as your teacher if you shop at thrift stores. Finally, to make a little extra cash and clean out your closet to fit in new purchases, consider selling older clothes you don’t wear anymore to a consignment store. Definitely a “two birds, one stone”-style savings situation right there.

If you’re clever, there are lots of ways to do your back-to-school shopping without breaking the bank! What’s your favorite way to save money? Email me your penny-wise tips, tricks, and secrets at acobb@ntrw.org. Maybe we can plan a coupon swap!

I think I’m getting myself overexcited here….

Have a happy (depressing, summer-grieving) Labor Day!

With Love,

Aurora C., editor & coupon freak

Ice cream is very important to me. I am being totally honest when I say that if there were a viable way of surviving on ice cream alone, I would gladly give up all other foods. My personal motto is, “GIVE ME ICE CREAM OR GIVE ME DEATH!”, and if you prick me, I bleed ice cream. In fact, such is the reason the Red Cross has prohibited me from donating blood: not enough platelets, too much dairy.

So, obviously, I’ve been aquiver with excitement all month, since July is – can you even handle this? – NATIONAL ICE CREAM MONTH.

In celebration of this momentous month of dairy dessert worship, I’ve been attempting to eat ice cream every single day in July. I haven’t been wholly successful so far, but there’s still some of July left to make up for the days I missed. Ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Yes, I can do that. And because I’m a true ice cream zealot, I’m also testing out a few new ice cream recipes, a few of which I will now share with you.

BUT FIRST! Here’s some National Ice Cream Month trivia with which to dazzle your friends and relations…

~National Ice Cream Month was inaugurated in 1984 by then-president Ronald Reagan.

~Approximately 9% of the milk produced by dairy farmers in the United States is used to produce ice cream. (source: International Dairy Foods Association).

~The United States consumes more ice cream than any other country in the word. (source: National Ice Cream Retailers Association)

~Vanilla is the #1 most popular ice cream flavor in the U.S.A. (Yawwwwwwn…)

AND NOW! On to the recipes…

#1. Thai Coconut Ice Cream

To make great ice cream at home, you don’t need some kind of fancy-schmancy ice cream maker. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself with this super simple, super delicious homemade coconut ice cream, adapted from a recipe posted on about.com.

You’ll need:

~4 eggs

~1 cup sugar

~2 cups heavy whipping cream

~2 cups coconut milk — not the “light” variety! this is no time for skimping!

~1 tsp vanilla extract 

~ A small handful of flaked coconut, either sweetened or unsweetened will do

1. Mix your eggs and sugar in a food processor, blender, or mixer for about 2 minutes. 

2. Pour this mixture into a double boiler and cook over medium-high heat for 8-10 minutes, stirring continuously, until the sugar-eggs mixture becomes creamy and thick. Then take it off the heat and place in the fridge to cool. 

3. Whip cream in food processor/blender/mixer until the cream becomes thick. Scoop whipped cream into large mixing bowl. 

4. Fold the coconut milk and flaked coconut into the whipped cream. 

5. Add the eggs+sugar mixture, now cool, to the coconut-creamy concoction, as well as the vanilla extract. Stir until you’ve got a thick, beautiful, batter-like consistency, then pour into containers for freezing. 

5. Freeze for at least 8 hours (i.e. overnight).

NOTE: This ice cream is unbelievably, agonizingly delicious on its own, or you can dress it up with chocolate sauce and crushed almonds for a fun “Almond Joy” sundae.

(Is it bad that I’m drooling on my computer right? Do you think that’s covered under the warranty?)

#2. S’more Ice Cream Sandwiches

With the hot weather we’ve been having, sitting around the campfire roasting marshmallows – and yourself – is not such a tempting prospect. When you’re dying for a s’more but want to stay out of the heat, these s’more ice cream sandwiches are just the thing.

You’ll need:

~10 graham crackers, halved into squares (20 squares)

~ 2 cups mini-marshmallows

~2 cups vanilla ice cream, slightly softened

For chocolate ganache: 

~9 ounces bittersweet chocolate (semisweet chocolate chips work, too, in a pinch)

~1 cup heavy cream

1. Line a 9″ square pan with tinfoil, and then place 10 graham squares in a single layer on the foil. 

2. Make your ganache: place chocolate in a bowl. Heat the cream until just boiling (watch carefully–scalding is bad, bad, bad), then take off the heat and pour over chocolate. Whisk until smooth. Allow to cool for a minute or two.  

3. Pour a thin (or not so thin, if you’re a hardcore chocolate person) layer of the ganache over the graham crackers. Reserve half of ganache. 

4. Sprinkle mini-marshmallows over the chocolate, then spoon ice cream over the marshmallows. 

5. Top the ice cream with remaining ganache, then place remaining 10 graham cracker squares on top to finish off your s’mores. Cover with tinfoil and freeze overnight. 

#3. Blueberry Ice Cream Pie

Here’s a recipe that combines two of the best things about summer in Maine: blueberries and ice cream. This is wicked easy to make but has major “Ooo! Ahh!” factor, making it the perfect dessert to whip up for BBQs and outdoor potlucks. (Adapted from fromaway.com).

You’ll need:

~1 graham cracker pie crust (store-bought or homemade, whatever) 

~ 3 cups vanilla ice cream, softened

~2 cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)

~1/4 cup sugar

~1/4 cup water

~1 tsp lemon juice

~whipped cream for topping 

1. While your ice cream softens, bring blueberries, water, and sugar to boil in a small pot. Turn down to a simmer and allow fruit to thicken for approx. 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add lemon juice and allow blueberry mixture to cool. 

2. Spread ice cream into pie crust and freeze. 

3. When the blueberries have cooled, spoon the fruit over the ice cream and place back into the freezer for around 3 hours. 

4. Top with whipped cream! 

There may only be a week left in July, but that’s more than enough time to test out these Nat’l-Ice-Cream-Month-approved desserts. Got any other cool ice cream recipe ideas to share? Please do send me an email at acobb@ntrw.org! I’m always on the prowl for new ways to get my daily dairy….

With Love, 

Aurora C., editor & ice cream fiend

Congratulations, you’ve survived yet another school year! After months of seemingly endless math homework and cafeteria lunches, you now have two months of freedom to squander absolutely any way your heart desires. So, what’s your plan? There’s the obvious option: spend those lazy days motionless before the TV watching re-runs of Scooby Doo until your eyes begin to bleed, soaking up the air conditioning and occasionally walking in a daze to the kitchen to make yourself a sandwich. Ah, the bliss of total mental atrophy! This summer strategy is best if you want to return to school in the fall as a sort of slug creature with a mushy puddle of goo splashing around your skull in the place of a brain. Certainly I can understand the appeal. My brain is at least 65% goo at this point in my life, and I’m okay with that.

But maybe you’re not into having a goo-brain. Maybe you want to do something “productive” and “worthwhile” this summer.

(Ahem. WEIRDO.)

But different strokes for different folks, I suppose! I’m a tolerant kind of girl. So, in the case that you’re not super committed to two months of brain rot, I’ve got a few ideas for how you can make it an amazing summer nonetheless, my overachieving friend!

1. Get to work!

It can be hard to find summer jobs these days, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try! Working over the summer is a super idea for so many reasons. You can start saving up some money for college, while gaining real world experience that will look great on those college applications and will help you get other jobs in the future. With a summer job, you’ll have the opportunity to begin familiarizing yourself with all those irritating “adult” things like “responsibility,” “accountability,” and “professionalism”–yuck. On the bright side, you might make a few new friends, too. To find a summer job, the best thing to do is to journey to every place you can think of that employs teenagers – stores in the mall, Dunkin Donuts, Dairy Queen, landscaping companies – and ask for an application, even if they don’t say they’re hiring. If you spread a wide net, you’re more likely to snag something, so I can’t stress this enough: APPLY EVERYWHERE. DO NOT GIVE UP! Filling out applications is annoying, but all that rewriting of your social security number will be worth it when you’re raking in the cash scooping ice cream or selling sneakers.

2. Service your community.

Volunteering is kind of like having a job, but you don’t make any money, and, instead of selling unhealthy food or unattractive clothing, you’re making a positive difference in the world around you. There are service opportunities everywhere. Soup kitchens, nursing homes, tutoring centers, community gardens, libraries, and hospitals are always looking for volunteers, or you could come up with your own project and take the initiative to better your community. In addition to the warm and cozy feeling that comes from being an upstanding citizen, community service has the extra benefit of looking really awesome on college applications.

3. Test the career waters aboard an internships.

Please excuse the lame joke; sometimes I can’t help myself. Anyway…

Another non-paying alternative to a summer job is a summer internship. Finding an internship is likely to be easier than finding a paying job in this economy, and internships provide an invaluable opportunity to explore career fields you’re thinking about pursuing. Interested in journalism? Try for an internship at a local newspaper, TV or radio station. Interested in law? Maybe there’s a law office in your town that could use some free labor! It’s true that you may spend a good deal of your time fetching coffee and shredding old paperwork, but at the very least you’ll be able to observe “from the inside” the work that goes into being a lawyer/newspaper reporter/veterinarian/etc. and get a feel for whether or not you’d like to do that type of work one day.

4. Summer school.

These days, going to summer school isn’t something you get punished with because you failed gym. No, now kids just like you are going to summer school because they want to, to improve themselves! I’m sure you’re thinking, “Doesn’t going to school in the summer kind of defeat the purpose? What sort of backwards universe are we living in??” I understand your concern, believe me, but packing in a little “educational overtime” during the summer is actually a perfect way to explore your interests while keeping some modicum of blood flowing to your brain. Many community colleges allow high school students to enroll in summer courses, so why not take advantage of this opportunity to learn something new that isn’t offered at your high school, like philosophy, microbiology, or archaeology? Not only will you get ahead academically by earning a few early college credits, you may just discover a new passion.

Meanwhile, while you’re off “improving yourselves,” “making a difference,” and “exploring your interests” this summer, I will be attending to the more serious matters of  working on my base tan and catching up on Toddlers & Tiaras.

ENJOY YOUR VACATION!!!!

With Love, 

Aurora C., editor & summer slug

Let’s face it: taking the SAT is an activity seriously low on the “fun” scale. Unfortunately, like so many other un-fun undertakings – doing dishes, washing your dog after he has rolled in something dead, filing taxes, etc. – it’s just one of those things you have to do, unless you want to apply exclusively to colleges that do not require SAT scores for admission, thereby significantly reducing your options. While the SAT isn’t an easy breezy beautiful experience, it’s not going to kill you, either. DO NOT STRESS YOURSELF INTO A FRENZY WORRYING ABOUT THE SAT. Panic is never, ever useful in a testing situation, so please, relax a little bit. Take a deep breath. You’ve studied and you know your stuff; you’re going to do fine.

Feeling better yet? Or are you still sitting there reading this, shivering and hyperventilating, hoping to memorize everything from your ninth grade geometry text book by holding it against your forehead? Been there, done that, and trust me, darling: it’s not going to happen. Instead of working yourself into a tizzy, why not try these simple tips & tricks to reduce SAT day anxiety and boost your test-taking game:

The night before the test, assemble everything you need in one place. You don’t want to arrive at the test site and realize you left your photo ID or your #2 pencils at home, so gather up all those necessities – ID, pencils, a calculator, spare batteries for aforementioned calculator – and put them somewhere you’ll remember them when you leave in the morning.

Get a good night’s sleep! Staying up until 3 am trying to cram for the SAT is not going to get you anywhere. Hopefully you’ve been studying consistently in preparation for the test, and at this point, you’re either ready or you’re not. What you need now is not more study time, you need to get some sleep! Being well rested will help you to do your best more than any amount of last-minute cramming.

Eat a wholesome breakfast. SAT day is not the day to pig out at breakfast and eat those bacon-wrapped french toast sticks you’ve been dying to try. A sugary, fat-loaded, mondo-breakfast will leave you feeling sluggish and icky rather than ready to conquer those pesky multiple choice questions. The ideal test day breakfast is something filling without being heavy, something that will keep you going for the long haul rather than give you a temporary jolt of energy and then send you crashing into sugar coma. My own personal favorite “power breakfast” is two scrambled eggs (for protein), whole grain toast (whole grain breads keep you fuller longer), a banana (vitamin boost!), and green tea.

Pack water and a snack. Believe me, you’ll be glad you did. Staying hydrated is critical to maintaining a high level of activity, in this case mental activity, and when your break rolls around and you’re starting to lag a little, that healthy snack (i.e. a granola bar, an apple, peanut butter crackers, etc.) stowed away in your bag will seem like a gift from the heavens.

Arrive early. It’s always better to be safe than sorry, so instead of cutting it close, plan to get to the testing site 15 minutes early. That way you won’t be in the car on the way there freaking out over whether or not you’ll make it on time, plus you’ll have 15 extra minutes to “get in the zone” with a bit of pre-test meditation.

Once the test begins, pace yourself. Pacing is the most important and most challenging part of the SAT. The total time allotted for the test is 3 hours and 45 minutes, which sounds like absolutely forever, but remember that that time is divided into 10 sections ranging from ten to 25 minutes in length. 25 minutes is not such a long time at all! You’re not going to finish the section in time if you don’t pace yourself. Here’s a tip: answer all the questions you absolutely know the answers to first, then double back and do the harder ones. If you really can’t figure out a question, don’t spend forever staring at it hoping the answer will come to you; just skip it and go back at the end if there’s time left over.

Read questions carefully. Don’t race through the test so fast that you’re not paying close attention to the questions. Sometimes the wording can be confusing and, if you’re not reading carefully, you might misinterpret a question you otherwise would have been able to answer correctly.

Make sure you’re filling out the answer sheet correctly. Imagine this nightmare scenario: you’ve finished a section, and you’re looking over your answer sheet, double-checking your work. Something seems a bit wonky, like your answers aren’t lining up with the questions…OH NO! You realize you accidentally skipped #10 on the answer sheet and marked the answer to question #10 on row #11. Now you have five minutes left before you’re supposed to put your pencil down, and you don’t think you’ll be able to fix the whole thing in that time. Worst. Thing. Ever. Pay attention to where you’re marking your answers!

Most of all, try not to psych yourself out. If you don’t do well on the SAT this time around, you can take it again. Yeah, that’s sort of a bummer, but at least you’re not doomed to a low score! Also, please know that a low score on the SAT does not mean you’re dumb or worthless or anything like that; it probably just means you’re not so awesome at taking this particular sort of test. Do not allow a low score to kill your self-confidence, because, ultimately, it’s just an arbitrary number that will have exceedingly little impact on the course of your life, and which has nothing whatsoever to do with your value as a human being.

That said, I wish you all the best and I’m sure you’ll do great–especially now that you’ve read all of my 100% solid gold helpful hints.

Good luck!

With Love, 

Aurora C., editor & SAT survivor

Pro-prom propaganda: nice young people having fun on their way to prom. It’s all lies! Lies!!

At some point during the course of human history, a cruel trickster decided to spread the rumor that the annual spring dance known as “prom” was something fun, something to look forward to. This dangerous myth has been perpetuated ever since, filling the minds of teenagers with dreams doomed to be crushed by this harsh but undeniable reality: prom is terrible. Is this just my opinion? Did I have a traumatic experience that turned me against prom forever? Do I hate prom because I’m some sort of naysaying grumpy hermit who can’t stand fun, or one of those creepy parents from Footloose for whom dancing is an unforgivable sin? The answer to all of the above is no. It is not just my opinion; in fact, science has proven that prom is one of the top ten worst things a human being can experience. I swear no Carrie-style disasters befell my prom – although that surely would have made it more interesting – and I’m neither a grumpy hermit nor a defamer of dancing. I have no reason to dislike prom other than the inherent dislikability of the event; my opinion is based on pure, objective fact. Well, fact and a little bit of anecdotal evidence – what skeptics might call “hearsay” – but let’s not split hairs.

FACT 1: Prom food is bad food. 

At my prom, they served chicken wings. Sticky, messy, BBQ-sauce-dripping chicken wings, of the sort one eats with one’s fingers at sports bars or bowling alleys. There were also celery sticks and crackers, if I remember correctly, which the girls nibbled at while resentfully watching their dates eat chicken wings. To this day the logic of serving chicken wings at prom eludes me entirely, since the theme of my prom was neither “Down Home Barbecue” nor “Superbowl Sunday.” My suspicion is that it may have been a mean-spirited prank at the expense of all female prom attendees, because what girl is going to gnaw away at a bit of gooey meat while wearing a pricy, often pastel dress in which she hopes to look sophisticated and glamorous? Not one, which is why there were so many frowning girls and so many BBQ-sauce stained tuxedos in the Clarion Hotel event hall that evening.

FACT 2: Prom dresses are expensive, and ugly. 

See my previous blog entry for examples of just how ugly prom dresses can get. And all of those dresses were priced at well over the -$1.50 a sane human would pay for them! Want to know something scary? The average cost of a prom dress is around $250, and the average amount spent on prom in total is a whopping $1,078 (according to USA Today). A) My entire wardrobe (not including shoes) probably cost me about $250, and B) just imagine what you could do with $1,078! You could go to Disney World, or put a down payment on a car, or fill your cupboards with all the Fancy Feast your cat could eat…the stuff of fantasy.

FACT 3: Sometimes proms take place on boats. 

If there was one way to make the already dreadful hazing ritual we call prom worse, it would be to hold it on a boat. And because prom organizers are wicked beyond measure, boat proms are not an uncommon phenomena these days. Seasickness +  the only route of escape being a chilly swim back to shore = absolutely zero fun. My close friend suffered a boat prom and he still hasn’t fully recovered. Sometimes he gets a bit quaky and pale, and that’s how I know he’s having a prom flashback. It’s truly a sad sight to see.

FACT 4: Good music has never been played at a prom. 

However, “Cotton-Eyed Joe,” “The Macarena,” “The Electric Slide,” and “The Chicken Dance Song” are sure to make an appearance.

FACT 5: Sometimes your mom is a chaperone at prom.

My mom was a chaperone at my prom, despite my begging her for weeks to spare me that particular embarrassment. It was clear to me then that my mother was in on the whole “Prom as Punishment” conspiracy, and to this day I still find it difficult to view her as a wholly benevolent personage. Sometimes I worry she’s going to whip out a corsage and yell across the room, “RORY! WANT ME TO GET YOU A CHICKEN WING?”, in order to relive that fateful night we spent together as chaperone and chaperonee at the Ithaca High School Senior Prom ’07.

Hopefully I have dissuaded you from attending your prom, thereby saving you from a night of unpleasantness and the cost of the years of therapy you will likely need in order to recover from it. Perhaps not. For those of you still determined to go to prom, I hope you have a great time–but I know you won’t.

Just kidding. I have my fingers crossed for you, darlings!

With Love,

Aurora C., editor & leader of the Anti-Prom Coalition

1. A Pouf of Dangerous Proportions 

I have nothing against a full skirt, and pink is one of my favorite colors, so my issue with this dress is not its obvious overblown bubblegum princess Disney World vibes. Disney I can deal with. No, my issue is that when I look at this what I see is an enormous bath loofah devouring that poor girl’s body. Ever seen The Blob? It’s about an amorphous glob of goo that goes around eating everyone in order to become larger and larger and larger…

Well, this is the dress version of that. It will eat you, it will eat your friends; it will eat your date. Do you really want to end up a snack for an overgrown loofah?

2. Rodeo Clown

Whereas the last dress had an overabundance of skirt, this specimen has an alarming lack of one. Of course, “skirt deficit”  is only a minor problem in comparison to the hokey leather bosom harness and the indecipherable snakeskin-cum-desert-foliage print of the fabric. Oi, and that ruched bodice! Back to the skirt issue, though: what skirt this dress does have is half-hidden beneath a flaccid sack. For what esoteric reason did they include this sack? It could not have been for purposes of attractive design, because there is no figure that would be flattered by such extraneous pouching. Maybe the silhouette is supposed to evoke that famous cowgirl accessory, the saddle bag. How many cans of baked beans do you think you can store in there?

3. Black and White and Bad All Over

Black and white is a classic, timeless, and usually unimpeachable color combination. Leave it to a prom dress to mutate it into something absolutely abominable! This dress is like one of mythological monsters made up of three different creatures, with none of the elements making any sense at all together. In the case of this dress, it seems to be made up of, from top to bottom: A) one of Vanna White’s Jeopardy gowns, B) my mom’s tablecloth, and C) a can-can dancer’s costume. The overall effect causes some serious, head-spinning, Hitchcock-style vertigo.

4. “This Dress May Cause Hallucinations”

Honestly I think you’d have to be hallucinating to begin with in order to purchase this psychedelic nightmare, but maybe I’m biased because I don’t like ugly things. In any case, if you weren’t already out of your mind, all you’d have to do would be to stare into the warped zebra-spiral print lining of the skirt for ten seconds and, POOF, you’d be down the formalwear rabbit hole. With your newly altered mindset, perhaps you could explain to me the appeal of having a bulbous “flower” pinned to your hip and shards of mirror pasted to your chest.

5. Cruelty to Animals

Year after year fashion magazines advocate for the revival of animal prints – leopard, zebra, cheetah, tiger – but I very much doubt this is what they wanted. In fact, I’ll bet that if they saw this feline-defaming disgrace, they’d commit seppuku for having been involved in its conception. Leopards everywhere are likely deeply ashamed of themselves, too. Someone call PETA, because this dress is an incontrovertible example of animal abuse.

6. Blue Jean Brutality 

Lots of people enjoy wearing blue jeans. While I am not one of them, I can understand why people like jeans: they’re (ostensibly) comfortable, they go with everything, and you don’t have to wash them very much. However, I cannot comprehend why someone could love jeans so much that she’d want her prom dress to be made out them. Such a passion for denim indicates, to me, a pathological obsession that merits at least a few appointments with a mental health professional. Besides being made of denim, though, this dress isn’t so bad. LOL I’m lying; it’s hideous. Look at the pockets on the scalloping at the bottom of the skirt! AHH! Look at that dumb “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band”-style bolero jacket! EGH! And the patchwork corset! YIKES!

8. “You cannot go out in that, young lady!”

It’s great when girls are proud of their bodies, but this might be taking that confidence a bit far. The exposed midriff on its own would be one thing, but in combination with the cleavage-spilling top and “up-to-there” slit in the skirt, the ensemble is flirting hard with exotic dancer territory. My mom would never let me leave the house in this, not even now that I’m an adult, and probably not even if I actually were an exotic dancer.

9. The World’s Ugliest Dress of All Time, Ever

Is there anything more to say about this dress? Certainly I cannot be the one to say it, because I can feel myself going into brown-stretch-polyester-ugliness-induced convulsions as I type. This dress is literally killing me!!!! SOMEONE, ANYONE, HELP! AGH – ACK – BLUH – UGHHHHHHHH…

[I am writing this now from beyond the grave. There will not be a tenth ugly dress entry, because there cannot be a dress uglier than the one pictured above. It is simply not possible.]

With Love, 

Aurora C., editor and one of many innocent victims of deadly prom dress assault